I’m not sure if this is the time of year that bears get surly because of the oncoming cold and exhaustion. But these days, I seem to need a lot more rest with the waning of the daylight sun. These are days when the curmudgeon in me just has an overwhelming need to be heard more often. I can tell when I am angrily rolling my eyes at every pedestrian, every thing I find “cheesy” and so on. Many times I see this disposition start to bubble up and am embarrassed by the little hermit. She is inextricably linked to me. I want to say the ill-dispositions are poison, but I believe they are a bitterness, that can actually be transformed into medicine.
Lately, I try (clumsily at times) to sit with the resentment and frustration and give them some quiet time to show their face. Not to say that I cater to these feelings and make excuses for myself if I am rude to others. And also, this is not a remedy to the frustration to cure me for life. Life is just going to be frustrating sometimes. These uncomfortable feelings have a purpose in informing me about the environment of my mental state. To me, there is also a use to taking responsibility for the way I act as a result of the anguish. These little uncomfortable parts exist for a reason, and should not be denied. These uncomfortable feelings are trying to say something. What are these feelings telling me? What needs healing, attention, space, quiet, meditation, peace, love, nurturing, food, water, rest….?
Live from the inside out. Society teaches you to live from the outside in. This is illusion. You are taught that what you seek is outside of you. This is false. The seed is within itself. Only your soul knows what you need to be successful.
‘Define who you are. Be your authentic Self and own your power’…”
“Love both your light and your dark. This creates wholeness and balance. These aspects are like young orphan children coming home for the first time. Love yourself with arms wide open. This will unlock any blocked energy. Hidden talents, gifts and abilities abide in these orphan aspects of self. Embracing your shadow will empower you. You will have more energy when you forgive your imperfections.”
But the article goes on to say, do not indulge in the negative thinking. Focus on the good and what is working. I just think that when the curmudgeon creeps, it has something important too that is trying to let itself be known that is valid and might even inform how to love better/bigger next time.